The first 3 months

This is a very difficult post, so bear with me. It isn’t easy to talk about gaining nearly 40 pounds in a few months. It isn’t easy to admit you are depressed, anxious and stressed out. My intent is not to air out laundry, as I haven’t publically acknowledged the event that set the thyroid / adrenal stuff in motion. For me, I have gotten so much support and encouragement from other women out there who have autoimmune disease. Many who are fighting it and staying active. Many more who feel defeated and feel their lives slipping away. I felt that way, too. To be honest, I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. It isn’t enough that the disease has taken away my energy and love of running, but also has left me with terrible self-image and zero self-esteem.

I am fighting, every second of every day. And I want to share my story so that other women who feel like giving up and feel like that lost their sense of self know that someone else understands how they feel. I am living it and I am fighting it. DO NOT GIVE UP.

So… this is my story. A bit about how I was feeling. What new symptoms I was having. And how my weight steadily increased due to my metabolism coming to a grinding halt. I have included pictures as a visual. This is really difficult to do. No one wants to post pictures of themselves where they feel chubby or fat. But, I think it is important to be honest and real about what is happening with me.

 March 2015

March was my first month of racing after ultra-training through the winter. It also started with a super bad situation that pretty much ruined my entire world. I stopped eating and sleeping but continued to run because that was the only thing bringing me any peace or happiness at the time. I felt like I was getting run-down, but stayed the course and tried my best. I set a new 5K PR on the trail and came close to a new 13.1 PR on the trail. (Both old PRs were road). I started noticing that my hands were getting really cold, even on very warm days when I was sweating while running. I was later diagnosed with Raynaud’s Syndrome.

IMG_7461

Pi Day Half Marathon

 

Hypothyroid Symptoms:

  • Sensitivity to Cold
  • Minor Fatigue

Weight: 136 pounds

 

 April 2015

My world continued to spiral down down down. I was clinging on continuing to train hard. I didn’t know it, but my real symptoms were starting to show. I was unable to deal with stress and wasn’t able to make real life decisions. My brain was in a fog and I was not emotionally capable to caring for myself. I felt confused, anxious and depressed.

I ran a half marathon and my first trail marathon this month.

IMG_7462

Rock the Parkway Half Marathon

 

Hypothyroid Symptoms:

  • Depression
  • Impaired Memory
  • Migraines
  • Sensitivity to Cold
  • Fatigue

Weight: 138 pounds

 

 May 2015

I think this is where I bottomed out emotionally. I was so incapable of dealing with stress that whenever I would have a stressful argument in my personal life, it was like my brain would get maxxed out and couldn’t take it. I had this urge to break something to try to make it stop. I can’t even explain why this is rational but this is what was happening. Almost like my brain was trying to protect me. I started noticing that I was having some trouble on my long runs. Instead of hitting 18 miles, I would do 16. But I didn’t recognize a problem yet. I failed setting a new PR at a road 5K which should have come easily to me. I also dropped down from the 40 mile to the marathon at my next trail run.

IMG_7463

Cinco De Mayo 5K

 

Hypothyroid Symptoms:

  • Depression
  • Impaired Memory
  • Migraines
  • Sensitivity to Cold
  • Fatigue

Weight: 140 pounds

2 thoughts on “The first 3 months

  1. Gareth says:

    Wow what a brutally honest post. Thank you for being brave enough to share. It puts things into perspective. I took up running partially to cope with depression and it’s given me a new lease of life. I admire your tenacity so much. Hang in there and keep trying, if you can’t do something it’s not because of your lack of will, you have harder mountains to climb than others, let it make you stronger inside

    Like

    • customgrind says:

      Honestly, it is really difficult to be so open. There is a lot of shame surrounding depression. I feel ashamed when I talk about the weight gain. Even though I couldn’t control it. It isn’t like I was eating a cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

      I am sure the coming posts will be the hardest to hit the publish button on. But women are contacting me to tell me they went through this and made it out, or they are dealing with this right now and seeing me fighting is giving them hope.

      So I will continue to write it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s