Just do what you can.

Sometimes the hardest part for me is just getting out the door. I was very tired yesterday when I got home. I sat down on my bed for a moment to catch my breath and I could have easily taken the world’s longest nap. I struggled with myself. I knew I needed to swim. I wanted to swim. But I was so tired. So I thought, well, what if I go and do a loop and if that is all I can do, at least I did that.

I threw on a trisuit, grabbed my swim bag and headed out to the lake. I was tired but trudged down and dove into the water anyway.

On my first loop, I struggled with my noseclip a bit. It was letting water in, which I could not blow back out. (I wear a noseclip to keep out brain-eating amoeba. Yes. It’s a real thing.) I treaded water for a moment as I adjusted my clip and then made it to the first buoy. For me, that is always the hardest part of the workout. Somehow, after I rounded buoy 1, I find my rhythm and realize I am not going to drown… It gets easier. I rounded buoy 2 and swam back to shore.

I gave myself a minute to catch my breath and then headed back out for another loop. This time, I didn’t have any issues. YAY!

Third loop around, I started having trouble sighting the first buoy. I think it was a combination of watery goggles and bright sun directly in my eyes. As I was finishing the lap, my swim cap started sliding off my head and by the time I reached shore, it slid off entirely… That was a new one on me!

Sigh… fourth and final loop. I fixed my swim cap and made another lap. I again struggled sighting into the buoy but my cap stayed in place for the full loop, at least.

So what started off with a “how am I going to do 2000 meters” turned into “I can’t believe I actually finished that.” I was still very tired after… but at least I was an accomplished kind of tired. It would have been easy to stay home and use my autoimmune issues as an excuse. (And sometimes, it is a reasonable and honest excuse). I just don’t want to get in the habit of using it as a “get out of jail free card” too often. There are times I dearly need to rest. And then there are times that I can suck it up and gut it out. I just need to give myself the chance to decide what I am capable of each day. There have been many times I have driven out to a trail head, only to cry and be upset that I can’t find it in me to run. But… sometimes… like last night, I find a little bit of PUSH in me and I can get it done. (And I just have to hope that those times outweigh the crying times.)

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I spotted my friends Benita and LaRisa at the shelter, so of course we needed a group picture. As we were taking the picture, three little ducks waddled up to us. They were friendly and obviously expecting food. I rummaged through my bag and found I Bonk Breaker I could crumble up for them. So cute! I will have to remember a better treat for them next week.

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One thought on “Just do what you can.

  1. LKnake says:

    It can be tough to find the balance of rest versus pushing through, and really takes years of practice, discipline and self-compassion. Because we’re not going to get it right every time.

    Like

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